Final Words - Original song by Andy Crowley

Here's an original song I made a music video for back in 2012. I've had a few messages from people who are touched by it and want to know more, so I figured I'd write a blog post about it.

As a warning, there's some pretty personal stuff below and some people may find it upsetting. I'm also not one for always needing to know the meaning behind songs. Songs should be open to interpretation by the listener. But, I receive many positive messages from people who relate to the song, and from those messages, I think sharing this stuff will be a positive thing. 

In October 2010, Derek Crowley, my Dad, passed away. He was 62. It happened with no warning and we all thought he was in good health, so this came as a total shock to the family. I was 25 at the time.

As far as we know, he has spend most of his final day doing his favourite hobby, fishing. From what we know, he was just setting off on his bicycle home when it happened. His body was found by a passer by, and by all accounts he passed away of a massive heart attack very suddenly before he was found. 

In the years prior, somewhat due to my Mums work as a market researcher, the conversation of ‘would you rather live shorter in full health or longer with bad health’ had cropped up from time to time. He always said that shorter in full health would be his preference. He was an active man and loved the outdoors. This has been some comfort to me and the family, knowing that, if you have to go, spending the day doing your favourite thing and then you're gone really isn’t the worst way to go...

The last time I spent with him was a walk through the woodlands near the family home. If I’m honest, I was eager to get back for some evening work that day, but I always had time for a walk with my Dad. I don’t remember a thing of what we talked about, but I’m so happy I chose to spend that extra hour or two with him while I had the chance. 

The two things I was personally most sad about in the months after were, firstly, the robbed experiences that he wouldn’t be there fore (any future possible wedding he wouldn’t be there for, he wouldn’t get to play with any children I might have in the future etc). And secondly, that I didn’t get to say goodbye or have any closure with him. I felt this so strongly that I even wrote him a letter that I still have, but that no one will ever read. It is in an envelope in my desk drawer right now. It is addressed to ‘Dad’. (Writing that letter really helped).

My family were all amazing during the this time and being with them made everything much easier. But,  when I found myself alone at any time over the next few months, I’d begin crying quite easily, particularly at bedtime. Music and songwriting has always been a source of solace and I wrote quite a few songs during the next couple of years, most will never be heard, most Ive forgotten, but some I quite liked. I wrote many happier songs during this time too, I'm an optimist and i like music that is up lifting. but of course, there were some sad songs written too.

For whatever reason, we actually had shockingly few photos of my Dad. but this was back in the days when we went on holiday for two weeks and took 24 photos, not hundreds each day like now. This got me thinking somewhat about what we leave behind after we're gone, and among other reasons, made me decide to finally put out a proper album on itunes and spotify etc. 

Out of all the songs I wrote, ‘Final Words’ was the most on the nose way I could put how I felt at the time, while still being something listenable, and hopefully an enjoyable listen too. Passing away in the manner my Dad did, he didn’t have his ‘final words’. Or if he did, nobody heard them. And us a a family didn’t get to have our final words with him, or we didn’t release they would be at the time. So that’s where the ‘There are no final words, just grief’ line comes from. All the rest of the lines in the song are pretty self-explanatory. 

Final Words

Sometimes you get lonely
In the middle of the night
No one there fore you
Nothing left to fight

Sometimes you get lonely
In the middle of the night
Though you I cannot see
I know you’re watching over me

You left me never even said good-bye
You didn’t have a choice, you’re justified
You left me all I have is disbelief
And there are no final words just grief

Sometimes in the evening
When I just can’t sleep
I think of you
It’s all I seem to do
Sometimes I get restless
When the stars come out
See the word differently
To how it used to be

You left me never even said good-bye
You didn’t have a choice, you’re justified
You left me all I have is disbelief
And there are no final words just grief

Sometimes you get lonely
In the middle of the night
Though you I cannot see
I know you’re watching over me

You left me never even said good-bye (Sometimes you get lonely)
You didn’t have a choice, you’re justified (Sometimes you get lonely)
You left me never even said good-bye (Sometimes you get lonely)
You left me all I have is disbelief
And there are no final words just grief

© 2012 ANDY CROWLEY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

WRITTEN, PRODUCED AND PERFORMED BY ANDY CROWLEY.

Musical inspirations and songwriting

As I’m a music teacher, I think showing my inspirations for this song might help others be able to come up with or finish songs in the future. I know showing ‘how the sausage is made’ will cheapen this song for many, but for the few who use it to finish their own song, it is worth sharing.

The intro keyboard was inspired during writing by Sloe Gin by Joe Bonamassa, pretty much the most atmospheric of intros I’ve ever heard. Most of this song was written sat at a piano with super simple chords. I came up with all the guitar parts later. The acoustic guitar bit has a slide from a Manic Street Preachers song, which is too hard for me to do when playing this song live and singing, but I liked it on the recording. 

I couldn’t really imagine me singing what I thought this song could be, but I thought it kinda sounded like an Adele song. So, I imagined Adele singing it, and thats how I came up with the verses and chorus melodies and some lyrics, it was literally a ‘what would Adele do’ mentality that enabled me to think of it. A friend said it sounded like ‘Bon Jovi’s comeback single’ when he heard it, which made me laugh, but I liked hearing that. Whether you like these artists or not, I’ve written this to show that it is often useful to imagine yourself as someone else when you need to write a song, particularly for lyrics and melodies. Sometimes with songs, you just can't find the words thinking as yourself. It’s hard, but can be super helpful to think of what other artists would do to either get it started or to know where to take it so you can finish it. Then you can hopefully make it sound like 'you' along the way. You are coming up with what you're writing after all.

I hope this song and blog inspires you to find your first words for songwriting, to start, or to finish that idea you’ve had for a while, or to have that conversation you’ve needed to have for too long. 

If I learned anything from this, it is that saying the words or writing them down on paper, just getting them out, can be the only way to find your own peace, or at least make a start in that direction.